A Public Confession and Apology

I would like to make a public apology to the Great Powers that be in Atlantic Beach. First of all, I want to apologize for thinking that because other people in our community have arbors and trellises, that I somehow had the right to have one of my very own. That was my first mistake. I have no right, as a tax paying, law abiding citizen to assume that I am entitled to own anything in my front yard. Furthermore, I want to apologize for misunderstanding the need for a permit and applying for one when I didn't even need it. That was a huge mistake because, by default, the Great Powers that be had to believe that I needed one and act swiftly and appropriately. I screwed up even more by using the words pergola and trellis interchangeably on my permit application. This was a huge mistake on my part. While regular people in the community use those words interchangeably, they are actually two VERY different structures. One (pergola) requires a permit. The other (a trellis) does not. Right there, you can see how someone like me has created massive amounts of confusion and frustration for the city. This is exactly why tax paying citizens are not qualified to make decisions about their private property. I wish to take full responsibility for the snowball effect, the infamous slippery slope to hell, which I most definitely caused, by continuing forward with my gardening project without the permit that I did not need, expecting the Great Powers that be to use common sense when looking at my trellis and deem it nothing more than a trellis. Clearly, the expectation that city government is going to apply common sense with it's citizens only reveals a naive, trusting, Polly Anna "ish" attitude about government that is laughable (were it not so destructive when unleashed which is the lesson I have learned from my experience). I am most completely ashamed of this behavior. Finally I want to publicly thank Jim Hansen for resolving a zoning crises that lasted a whole week. From the moment my trellis was labeled an "illegally built home" to the "tent phase", I have spent a week on edge, biting my nails, anxious to hear the verdict about what I can and cannot do in my garden. Discovering that my trellis was "not a fence but regulated as such with height requirements" was devastating to my garden plans. However, I am now keenly aware of how incompetent I am to do what I want in my yard and I am deeply grateful to know that the Great Powers of Atlantic Beach are the loving Big Brother Orwell prophesied so that we don't destroy ourselves. I simply cannot imagine the horrors of living in a place where people might construct arbors over their own entranceways. The very idea that people would have "outdoor" doors is just absurd. Think of the impact on our property values! No doubt, once everyone had an arbor, in order to keep up with the "Jones's" we would all have to start growing gardens in our front yards. That would most certainly destroy our neighborhood. Everyone knows that people who garden start turning to chickens. We've all heard about those "Hens For Jax" anarchists and their crusade to have everyone owning farm animals. This is an upscale, gentrified beach community with mostly people who actually live here and a growing number of vacation homes. No one is buying homes here to watch it degrade to rural farms. Thank God for our City Manager.